Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Ghost Whisperer Needs Live People Skills

CBS, what WERE you thinking?

You had a real opportunity, and you blew it. Big time.

Perhaps you didn't realize that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You had an opportunity during the October 16, 2009 episode of The Ghost Whisperer to say something intelligent about dating, relationships, and abuse. But you blew it.

Lots of things about The Ghost Whisperer I don't understand. Like whether Melinda's husband is dead or alive, or both. Like how she suddenly has a five-year-old son and I never ever realized she was pregnant. Or like how merely sad ghosts can't pick up material objects, while the violent ones throw things.

But I do understand the warning signs, or "red flags," of potential abuse.

Melinda's sidekick Delia decides to stop dating Roger for screaming at the maitre'd in a restaurant. OK, the maitre'd insisted on opening a "special" bottle of wine for them even after they declined, and then spilled it all over Delia. Roger jumped to his feet, and let loose a verbal barrage (fortunately appropriate in language for prime time TV). As her mother told her, don't date a man who's mean to the waiter, and Delia saw a mean side she that just didn't appeal to her. So she does not return his phone calls.

Then strange things begin to happen. On a show about talking to ghosts, that's to be expected. But these strange goings-on were from a live person. Rose petals and roses on Delia's car. A shower of violet flowers. A mime sent to pantomime love. Delia suspects Roger is trying to woo her back.

Melissa encourages her to reconsider: "Are you sure you don't want to give Roger a second chance? But it proves he has a romantic side, and besides you told me that that maitre'd was obnoxious and had spilled things on you before! So, maybe, Roger was just, I don't know, protecting you."

Melinda had this GREAT opportunity to affirm Delia's intuition. She could have said something like, "Delia, he's still really interested in you and wants a second chance. If you do go out with him again, just look out for controlling behavior, it could foreshadow an abusive relationship." I'm sure you have at least a couple of scriptwriters clever enough to turn some of the behaviors of potential abuse into scintillating TV dialog. (If you want to know what they are, download this Signs of Batterers list and Campus DV Safety flyer. Or read Domestic Violence for Beginners, by Alisa Del Tufo.)

But no, she made excuses for a man she did not know, evoking romance.

Sure romance is sexier than domestic violence. But when all rates of violence in this country are at 40 year lows EXCEPT for domestic violence, when domestic violence is the #1 lifetime hazard facing women today, and when in all of my self-defense classes for teen girls most already know of friends who've been in abusive relationships, popular TV shows have just got to do a better job of making at least a discussion of abuse more mainstream. Abuse is not romantic, to either the living or the dead.


[To watch this episode, paste this URL in your browser: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/ghost_whisperer/video/?pid=fVzaCoSHqUzAFBWSWl5NfT_DYYVFwRmt]

Friday, October 16, 2009

What Every College Girl Needs to Know About Dating Violence and Abuse

October. The leaves turn brilliant reds, yellows and orange, shrivel and curl, and drift off their tree limbs. The touch of October air is chilly and crisp. Halloween is almost here, one evening of ghosts and ghouls, spirits and specters. The next morning it's November, time for harvest and Thanksgiving, and Halloween slithers back into the abyss . . . til the next year.

October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. We all know that domestic violence isn't limited to October, nor should we be aware only these 31 days. Domestic violence is a wraith that walks the earth always. Abuse victims can be haunted for a long time afterwards: they are three times as likely to engage in risky sex and 70 percent more likely to drink heavily than other women; they are also twice as likely to report that their activities are limited by physical, mental or emotional problems and 50 percent more likely to use a cane, wheelchair or other disability equipment, a recent CDC survey found.

If you know a college-age woman in an abusive relationship, please download this flyer on dating violence and send it to her. Send it to her friends also. In fact, send it to any college-age girl you know. It may save her from this nightmare later. Do your part to exorcise this demon now.

The Simple Art of Found Weapons

Here's a great story of a 72 year old woman using her wits and a can of air freshener to fend off an assailant. Great instincts!

Since you're reading this blog I'm taking a wild guess you're at your computer. Or maybe you're on the go reading this on your iPhone or other mobile device (and hopefully you're not driving). Right now pause. Look around. What is within arm's reach that can be used as a weapon?

Did you pause and look? Do it.

Next step: reach out and pick it up. How does it feel in your hand? What can you do with it? For example, I'm looking at my cordless landline phone. I can easily wrap my hand around it and use it as a hammer to the face (or side of the head or solar plexus or other soft target). Or the loose-leaf binder can be thrust into a throat.

Do this exercise every so often. You'll be better prepared. Just in case.